New Year’s resolutions

Every year I say “New Year, old me”. That is of course a joke that I make to underline that the fact that the Earth made a complete circle around the Sun won’t change anything in my life. Well, this year my joke became real. But let me start from the beginning.

It’s a New Year so as you all know, it’s time for New Year’s resolutions, which means that a lot of people will go to the gym. I stopped making any promises to myself years ago but apparently my boyfriend didn’t. He is one of THOSE people. When he told me that he was about to begin the whole “I will start to exercise regularly” plan, I just said:

No comment needed.

So, the big day arrived. My SO went to the gym and I went to the shop to buy some wine. I was already waiting in the queue with a bottle of wine in one hand and my ID in the other hand. It is some kind of habit, they always ask for my ID. My turn arrived, the cashier looked at me, I was waiting for the famous “May I see your ID, please?” and… nothing. He sold me that bottle of wine with no questions asked. I went home angry and sad and wanted to say to my boyfriend:

My New Year’s resolution is right! New Year, OLD ME! I look old! They don’t even want to see my ID!

But instead of doing that I came to an empty home. Oh, right, he was in the gym…

He turned back home really happy and before I even started to talk, he said:

• I love my new gym! It’s very clean and they even asked me about my ID to check if I’m 18 years old!

I just listened to that, made a sad face and went to bed to cry with dignity.

So, basically he still goes to that gym and I am old. We can say that both of us obey our resolutions.

Let’s take a ride

It’s January but we have to go back to summer time. This summer wasn’t very fortunate for me. Someone stole my bike, my beautiful bike which I loved and rode almost every day. My friend who accompanied me on my amazing adventures. It happened some time ago so I’m already ok with that. The bike is gone, end of the subject.

My birthday is on the 21^st November so I took advantage of that. I announced that this year I would like to receive a new bike as my birthday and my Christmas present from my parents and sister. That was the plan: receive a bike and set off for some new adventures.

My parents think that I’m a responsible grown up so on my birthday I didn’t receive one half of bike, as I thought, but half of money for the bike.

• Interesting – I thought – so as a gift I received a temptation to buy myself something pretty…

I hid the money as soon as I could and started to remember how sad I was when I found out that my bike was gone. After a few days I forgot that I had the money.

Christmas arrived. My sister did some shopping and started to show me what she bought. Now I wanted to buy it too. I remembered that I had THE money and the temptation was back. Nope, the money is for the bike, it’s Christmas, soon I will receive the other half and I will go and buy it.

As I said, I received the other half. I was more than happy when my dad agreed to go to the shop with me and help me find the bike from my dreams. We entered the shop, there were a lot of bikes. I could see that coming. I started to look around and that’s when I was more than sure that I didn’t know anything about bikes. I looked at my dad and started to wait for his opinion. Suddenly, the seller arrived and asked me:

• What are you looking for?
• A bike – (did I really say that out loud?)

The seller was still looking at me but his eyes were saying “Thank you, that’s really helpful. So you are looking for a bike in a bike shop? I didn’t know that”. Fortunately, his mouth said:

• What kind of a bike?
• The one that was stolen from her – said my dad.

Oh, great. Now I’m sure that I’m not adopted. The seller gave up and started to show us women’s bikes he had in the shop.

• They are too big for me, I prefer something smaller – finally something helpful! I was so proud of myself that I even smiled.

The seller looked at me so I’m sure that he heard that and continued to show me the big ones. “Am I a joke to you?”, I thought “So, this is it? You are one of us? Three adults in a bike shop that can’t communicate efficiently?”.

I didn’t buy a bike. What a shock. Tomorrow we are going to a shopping mall because sales are coming. I only hope that after that I will still have the money for my new bike.

Weird family, part 2

I told you the story about one of my grandmothers so it would be unfair if I didn’t tell you a story about the second one. Years ago I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my grandma. I called her to inform her about the visit and then the day arrived. We went to her apartment, knocked on the door, my grandma opened it and then it happened. She noticed a tattoo on my boyfriend’s arm. I don’t know why, maybe she was scared and thought that he was some kind of a criminal, but she didn’t say a word to him. (Thanks grandma for thinking that I’m attracted to criminals)

That happened years ago and she still doesn’t talk to him. Christmas came and grandma was invited to Christmas Eve. I wanted to do something about that situation so I prepared her favourite cake.

The evening arrived and so did my grandma. Everyone was there, including my boyfriend, we ate all of the food (she didn’t say a word to him) and started to bring cakes to the table. My grandma noticed her favourite one and wanted to eat it immediately. I gave her a piece of it and waited.

• Oh dear, this cake is just excellent!
• Thank you grandma! My boyfriend made it.

Silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• It’s too sweet.

The plan didn’t work, my grandma still hates my boyfriend and my cake was too sweet.

And now the other grandmother bought us the wedding gift. So basically, when we talk about my grandmothers it is just either too much or not enough. Yes, my family is weird.

Weird family, part 1

Christmas is about spending time with family. But, what you don’t know is that my family is weird. I really mean it. My family is really really weird. I even have a proof. Here you have the most recent example.

My grandmother had lived in Italy for 20 years, so we didn’t see each other very often. Recently, she moved back to Poland. My mother (her daughter) wanted to visit her so I decided that it was a good moment to introduce my boyfriend. After meeting my other grandmother he was very happy about that idea (no he wasn’t, but I will tell you that story another time).  We arrived. It was Christmas Eve. My grandmother opened the door to her apartment.

• Hi! Merry Christmas! This is my boyfriend.

As distinct from my other grandma, she was very kind, she introduced herself and gave us something to drink and to eat. We started to talk and everything was going well.

• Hmmm, that’s something new – I thought – why am I having this impression that the visit is normal? My family isn’t normal, what is happening?

And that’s when it happened. My grandma looked at me and told me that she had a gift for me. That would have been completely normal, it was Christmas Eve, people were making gifts! But it wasn’t normal. My grandma didn’t know that I would be there, she invited only my mum, me and my boyfriend were a surprise. I looked at her uncertainly. Was she really talking to me? The answer was yes, she was. We went to the kitchen and then she said:

• Look, I bought you this wedding gift.

I thought it was a joke so I started to laugh. But it wasn’t a joke. In front of us, there was a huge meat broiler. I didn’t know what was more ridiculous: the fact that I received my first wedding gift (no, I’m not engaged), the fact that it was the meat broiler and that it was already there in front of my face or the size of it (it’s bigger than my kitchen).

• I don’t know what to say. Thank you grandma…

I really didn’t know what to say. After that I thought that my boyfriend would be terrified, would run away from the wedding, wedding gifts and the rest of these commitments. I even started to think where would I find a new one and why my grandma did that to me? Does she hate me?

It turned out that while I was looking for a new boyfriend, he was looking for a ring online. He really wants that meat broiler. I don’t know why, he doesn’t even cook meat. Now I’m considering the whole run away option.

To be continued…

Wrap it up!

As I already told you, I love Christmas. I’m aware of the fact that a lot of people say that. They love the atmosphere, spending time with their families or receiving gifts. It’s very common, but I’m sure that it’s not likely to hear that: I love Christmas because of gift wrapping. It’s true. Wrapping them gives me more joy then unwrapping because they are just so beautiful! It may be strange but this year I had all of the presents bought and wrapped already in November. That was fun. But then December arrived and I didn’t have anything to wrap. My boyfriend always buys his presents a day before the Christmas Eve so I couldn’t wrap them neither. There was nothing left for me… 😦 Until one day.

In Poland we have so-called Szlachetna Paczka – a social project. Its main aim is to help families in need during Christmas time: provide them with things they need, food, cosmetics, so they could enjoy this time of the year. One day, my SO came back home from his work and announced that this year he will organize a package with presents for one of those  families. He started to raise money, then he gathered a group of people who would help him buy gifts and deliver them. After two weeks, he had loads of incredible stuff, more than we could possibly imagine. The only thing left to do was wrap these presents and deliver them to the family. WRAP THESE PRESENTS! Their team responsible for the initiative wanted to meet after work and wrap them all at once. When my boyfriend told me that, I was so happy that he just had to invite me. And he did! I couldn’t wait for it when suddenly, a day before we had a fight. A stupid, meaningless fight that of course forced us not to talk to each other. And do you know why I am sure that this fight was meaningless and not important? Because the only thing I regret is that I didn’t go to my wrapping party 😦

The family was very happy after receiving all of those gits. And that is the most important thing.

Christmas is coming!

It’s December! It’s almost Christmas! Yes, I’m a Christmas freak and at the beginning of December me and my boyfriend look like that:

Ok, not only at the beginning but through the whole month. Poor him. Or should I say purr him?

So, we bought ourselves two different advent calendars, one for me and the other one for him. But we decided that every day we would share and each of us would eat only a half of chocolate to taste them all. Moreover, we decided that first we have to do something to earn the chocolate (we don’t want to have remorse after eating sweets all the time). At my SO’s work, they have this game which lasts for the whole month. Everyone at the company who wants to play it, has to resolve one task each day. After resolving it you get some points. The quicker you have the result, the more points you have. So my SO decided that he would eat his chocolate only if he did the task and I thought it was a great idea! And what did I choose? I want to be healthy so every day I will make a carrot juice in my juicer and I will drink it. That’s all. After that I’m allowed to eat my chocolate.

It’s 10^th December and we’re eating chocolates from only one advent calendar. I’ll let you guess who of us is a failure.

My father’s favourite child

My boyfriend is a programmer. Did you know that if you call a programmer a computer scientist, he will sulk at  you? That is true, they really do that! And every time I have a problem with my computer, he says: “I don’t know anything about computers, I’m a programmer, not a computer scientist”. And all I hear is “blah blah blah, I won’t help you, blah blah blah”.

Recently, we visited my parents. My father had a problem with his computer (for us it was just broken, for him it was the end of his world). He asked my SO if he could help him and I was just waiting for his famous “blah, blah, blah…” but he didn’t say that. Instead he said “sure” and started to look for a problem. What a toady!

That day we were planning to visit also his grandparents so when they started to repair the computer, I was just sitting there and waiting. After two hours, I was still waiting. My mum asked me:

• Do you want some tea?
• No, thanks. In a minute we will go to his grandparents and I will drink it there.

My mum finished her delicious tea and we were still there. Their mission became real. The computer was officially broken and my boyfriend didn’t want to leave until it worked again. I started to regret that I hadn’t drunk that tea. My mum told my boyfriend to leave it:

• It’s just a computer! Go! Visit your grandparents!

But it was too late. I really mean it. They were sitting and repairing it for so long that finally it was too late to go and visit grandparents! They were already sleeping! I finally made myself some tea and started to think about this hole day I just wasted.

Suddenly, my mum wanting to free my boyfriend from my dad said:

• Tomorrow at work I will call this man who always takes care of our computers.

Silence. She dared to mention other man. Now it wasn’t about the computer anymore but about his honour. After 5 minutes everything was ready and the computer was repaired.

• What? Why didn’t you do that earlier?! – I screamed.

 

May I also say that from that moment my father’s favourite child is my boyfriend? Should I be happy or sad?

My unique birthday gift

This morning I was looking at the mirror and something came to my mind. Let me tell you a story about one necklace.

My birthday is in November. One year ago, I decided to buy myself a gold necklace. All of my jewellery was gold except for necklaces, so I wanted to match it with all the rest. My searching started and a week later I knew exactly which one I would have loved to have.

In September, my boyfriend and I were coming back home and on the train the girl who was sitting in front of us grabbed my attention.

• Babe – I said – look at her necklace. That’s the one I want to have.
• Ok, it’s pretty.

So, the journey lasted for about 3 hours and the girl was sitting there during all this time. I had enough or even too much time to feast my eye and confirm that it’s a good choice and it looks really elegantly. After that I started to put aside some money because I wanted to buy it even more.

We came back home that early because it was the only time we could do it. We went to the shopping mall. It was my present from my parents for my birthday: shopping – brilliant! Me, my mother and my sister went to buy some clothes and my dad with my boyfriend went to see something more interesting like games, phones or everything except women’s clothes? It was such a great time.

November arrived and I was getting older again. On my birthday, my boyfriend woke me up really early because he had to go to work and he wanted to give me a gift. I was sleepy and then I noticed a package from the jeweller. I suddenly forgot that I was tired and opened the box. Inside there was a necklace. Before I even had a chance to react I heard:

• If you don’t like it, that’s ok! You see, when we were in the shopping mall I went with your dad to pick this necklace for you, I remembered the one you loved so much on the train and I was trying to find something like that. We had some options but with your dad we chose this one but if you don’t like it just tell me, we can exchange it. But you have to tell me now because we have only 2 weeks.

OMG! That’s too much information! That’s what happened:

I opened the box. The necklace was pretty but it was nothing like the one we saw on the train. Really, it wasn’t similar at all. But it was pretty so my first reaction was happiness, then I heard the whole story about my boyfriend getting along with my father and I felt really moved but suddenly he started to talk about exchanging it and I felt under so much pressure. I couldn’t tell him that it’s not the one I wanted because he would have given it back to the jeweller! I looked and him shocked and I said:

• It’s beautiful! I like it, I won’t give it back!
• Really?
• Really! It’s mine, I love it.

So he went to work really happy and I stayed at home. Awaken. At 7 a.m. on my day off. I couldn’t go back to sleep after all of these emotions so I went to the nearest mirror and started to understand why men never notice when you cut your hair. I mean, for him these two necklaces were the same and I couldn’t find out why he thought so. Well, I wouldn’t pick the necklace I received on my own, it wasn’t really my style. I saved almost enough money to buy myself the one from my dreams but now I couldn’t do it either because it would hurt his feelings. I said goodbye to the necklace of my dreams and started to get used to the new one. There was something that was making me feel strange, I guess it was the pressure. Because all of that I couldn’t decide objectively whether I liked it or not.

I figured that out today. I don’t really like it. But at the same time I love it. I love that I received it from my SO, I love the fact that he remembered the one that I found pretty and he was trying so hard to find it (the result is not important now, he was trying), I also love the fact that he got along with my dad and spent so much time with him in this mall (you can imagine, 3 women in the shopping mall – hours). I don’t like the design, it’s not really my style but to be honest, after one year of wearing it I got attached to it. I wouldn’t give it away even if someone would give me the most beautiful necklace in the whole world. Mine is just better.

Wings for Life, again

Maybe some of you remember that last year I was preparing for Wings for Life, a charity run. If you want to participate in this run you have to pay. All of the raised money is given to Wings for Life foundation whose goal is to find a cure for spinal cord injuries and paraplegia. So the motto of the race is: “Running for those who can’t”. I know, that sounds beautiful BUT the number of participants is limited so if you really want to be a part of  it, you have to register on time. In Poznań, there are 8000 tickets to buy.

Last year, I received the participation ticket for Valentine’s Day (how romantic, lucky me). I’m just joking, it was way better than a bouquet of flowers, which I would throw away after a week. Important is that last year my boyfriend got us the tickets in February. This year, the registration started in November (two days ago). I wouldn’t be writing about it, if not the fact that a lot of people started to be interested about that. After one day, I realised that half of the tickets are already bought. At first, I thought it was normal but I didn’t want to risk so we bought ourselves two tickets. That was a smart move! After 48 hours the tickets are sold out! That is incredible!

I’m feeling a little bit guilty that I will run (last time I run at Wings for Life, so you can imagine my condition…) and a lot of people who really want to run and who are well-prepared can’t participate. Some of them have been waiting for a whole year for this run and they just can’t be a part of it. But, as my favourite runner ever once said: “Sh*t happens”.

Into the woods

Today is my boyfriend’s name day so I’ll focus my attention on another important man in my life – my dad.

About two weeks ago, I visited my parents. The weather was beautiful so they decided to go to the forest and pick some mushrooms. We arrived in the forest and it was amazing. Some of the leaves were already on the ground, they were so colourful! All around you could see yellow, red and orange. I was enchanted, I was just walking and looking around, taking some pictures. We walked about 2 kilometres until we arrived at my parent’s secret place where there is always plenty of mushrooms. When we started to look for the mushrooms I realized that the colours of the leaves were beautiful but it’s impossible to find anything in there! I started to look more carefully because I really wanted to find at least one. After a minute I looked up and there was only me and my mum. My dad just disappeared.

• Oh, he’s quick – I thought.

So I started to look for the mushrooms only with my mum. I found my first mushroom. I was more than happy, I wanted to dance and sing and then I looked at my mum. She was holding three mushrooms. My happiness turned into determination. I started to watch the ground with more attention. After 15 minutes our basket was almost full. (I must say that their “secret place” is really good, I won’t tell you where it is!). We started to look for my dad. He was very surprised when he saw our basket, he also found many mushrooms but let’s be honest, it was normal that the two of us had more of them. After another while we decided to turn back to the main path and start walking home. And so we did. It was really difficult to stop watching the ground, me and my mum wanted to find more mushrooms, the temptation was so strong! My dad started to get upset because we were walking very slowly. And he didn’t hide that. We didn’t want to get him mad so I started to talk to my mum to take my eyes off the ground and it worked. No more mushrooms for today.

Suddenly, (I don’t even know when) my dad swerved away from the main path and disappeared.

• Did he just go to look for some more mushrooms?!
• I think so!

We weren’t very delighted with that so when we met him about 200 meters later we said:

• Did you just forbid us from looking for the mushrooms and went to look for them alone?
• (he smiled happily)
• You are suspended! Now you have no rights in this family! If you want to have them back you have to make us some coffee this evening!

After that conversation we continued our walk on the main path. We were just talking and laughing. We were passing by a hill and  we saw that on top of it, there are some people. Then we heard:

• Look how beautiful!

We figured out that they must have found some beautiful mushrooms. I don’t know when, how and where but my dad disappeared again.

• Really? Where is he? – asked my mum.
• I bet he heard these people and went to find some mushrooms.

I thought that he would go there and turn back, but he didn’t. At first, we were waiting for him but he wasn’t coming back. We decided to go further but after a while of walking we didn’t meet him, so we started to think if we didn’t pass. We turned back but we couldn’t find him! We started to get mad.

• He’s an adult! How can he disappear like that without saying a word?
• He is already suspended! Is this a joke to him?!

Then he called.

• Where are you? I’m waiting for you beside the board.
• Ok… we’re going there…

When we achieved the goal we saw my dad waiting for us. He was standing happily like nothing had happened.

• Are you kidding me? Why did you disappear like that?
• I told you that I’m going to that hill.
• No one heard you! (that wasn’t an argument for him)

I decided to butt into this conversation.

• You are so suspended dad! Coffee for us not just in the evening but also tomorrow morning! Or your family rights won’t be reinstated!

So he made us the coffee in the evening. But when I’m thinking about that now I don’t really remember the morning coffee. Does it mean that he has been suspended already for three weeks? And that when I visit them again I will be woken up with a cup of delicious coffee?